You tell on us, we tell on you...thats Ninja code!

And here you all thought you were free and clear of my poorly planned rants for good, didn't you. Well guess what, here I am ready to annoy, offend and possibly entertain. I'm still a month behind on the ZCCNL and eventually hope to catch up with two in one month at some point, but for all accounts and purposes, this is Augusts' edition.

First off the monthly (and quite boring) Zach update:

I remember when I was younger I went with my dad on a job he took, to a 'pond' that required some filtration. This 'pond' was actually made up of cow excrement and my dad had to actually row out to the middle of it in a rowboat to check to make sure the equipment was working properly. I only went a couple times, but I was on edge, nervous to the point of extreme sweating during the entire time, praying the boat would not overturn sending him into the depths of digested grass, the odd frog and old cud skin...thankfully this never happened. Why am I bringing this up? Well it's just an analogy I'm using to paint a picture: At this point in my life, the boat tipped, I waded through some cow poo for awhile, but at least I'm starting to wash it off. After a really stressful late August/ early September I at least have a new place to stay. As we speak I'm moving into my new apartment, a place with tons of room I don't even know what to do with, in an out-of-the-way secluded area I'm sure burglars and hippies avoid. Other than this I'm working and....*sigh*...teaching and writing for BSU's drumline AGAIN.

Now that that little bit of drudgery is done and over with, let's move on to the main event:

I'll pause for you to take a little time to read THIS

.........


I'll assume you actually read it, because anything beyond this point will make no sense unless you have.



So read it.


Do it now.


I'll wait, Eet Eez Faiine.


Now that you REALLY read it this time, I can begin my rant.

Ok, so I'm not against furthing knowledge or experiments of grand designs...but creating mini black holes?!?!?! They openly admit they're tinkering with something THEY DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. They even admit there's a SLIGHT possibility in planetary destruction...they say it's an infinitely small chance, but even a 1% chance is higher than none! Egad, I hope they don't destroy the world, thats where I keep all my stuff! (old cartoon quote there...a cookie to whoever knows what it's from)

Here's some of my favorite quotes from the article:

"There is dark matter. It is all over the place but we have no idea what it is."
It's matter that is dark, duh. It's also the stuff Nibblonians poop that fuel starships in the year 3000.

"That would be a real paradigm shift - our relegation to a little sheet in a multi-dimensional universe."
There have been movies and TV shows about this. So do these scientists want to travel to these parallel universes just to see what cowboy hat you decided to buy in universe X-9, or do you want to go to all the parallel universes, killing the versions of you in each one making yourself stronger, faster and smarter? The outcome of all these entertaining scenarios each had something to do with destroying the universe somehow...See!? even the hack writers for sitcoms and movies know when something is a bad idea! By the way does anyone else think that device looks like the Starga...I mean FARgate? (don't wanna get sued)

"The fundamental goal of the massive machine is to answer the basic but crucial question of how matter was created at the birth of the universe."
Honestly, do we REALLY need to know?

What it all boils down to is Scientists who are a little TOO smart+too much time on their hands+too large a budget=end of the Earth. I probably forgot to carry the two and get rid of the remainders in that equation, but the end result is retarded no matter how you look at it. This whole device just sounds like something you'd see a villain try to steal on an old 80's cartoon show. Phrases like "We don't really understand", "We don't know", "if the machine behaves itself " and "We are truly journeying into unknown territory" really shouldn't be used in regards to something of this magnitude. Let's assume they're successful and create a little black hole. We have no idea what it would take to destroy one! By definition, a black hole is a region of space that has so much mass concentrated in it that there is no way for a nearby object to escape its gravitational pull! How could anyone POSSIBLY think you can contain something like that?! And why would you WANT to TRY to create something as powerful as that ON a freaking planet?! To just leave things well enough alone is far too logical I guess. Stephen Hawking probably proposed this to prove his theories right, anf they felt sorry for him because he was in a wheelchair. And talked like the Robears ffrom the Thundercats cartoons.

Conclusion: The smartest people in the world are also the dumbest.

This is Zach saying, "Please don't add me to your block list"