Your Mom

Hello friends and enemies, welcome to a special Valentine's Day 2006 ZCCNL. You won't find much in the vein of love here folks, but you'll find plenty of unadulterated sarcasm, animosity and the occasional jab at your mom (the best insult comeback in the history if anything). But first off, the customary (and quite boring) monthly Zach update:

The past month has been pretty good for me, I'm sure most of you already know but on the 19th of January I was able to get myself into a friggin' sweet 2006 Dodge Charger I malevolently surnamed Chadford Warwick...Chadford in a ridiculous attempt to elongate my middle name, and Warwick in homage to the inimitable Warwick Davis, best known for his work as the lead character in Willow, the antagonitst in the Leprechaun horror movies, and Wickett the Ewok in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.

Chadford Warwick has served me well thus far...and had better serve me well for many years to come for how much I'm paying for his sorry beautiful blue hide.

Now, on to the main event. I've decided to compile for you all a few rules of the Garner Boegh household. In no particular order, you are expected to abide by them or become subject to a torrent of jeers and questioning of your sexuality.

'Spotless' is not something this house has been known to be since it was built in the 1970's. If you want clean, go to church.

If there is a get-together going on here, there will more than likely be a music jam session going on, mainly involving us on our instruments. If we are feeling nice, we might let you play them. If you don't like it and throw a fit about the volume, we will question your 'persuasion.'

Video games reached perfection from 1987-1995. If you mention 'Playstation', ' 'Game Cube', or 'XBox' you will receive a quick backhand to the jowels. Talk about Street Fighter 2, Megaman or The Legend of Zelda and you will be greeted with open arms.

If you bring cheese into our house, you will not leave with any of it.

Come to think of it, if you bring food of any nature into our home you will not have the pleasure of eating, or leaving with any of it.

Don't go shoeless. We shudder to think about what STDs are embedded in the carpet here from the pornography boom of '94.

Yes we have a big garage. No we don't park our cars in it.

Nice things like cable TV, a working telephone land line and public decency are for wusses.

When you arrive, Lee will be only wearing shorts confusedly looking through the refrigerator.

Zach's Coke Zero is Zach's Coke Zero. If you trifle with his will, you will be dealt with accordingly.

Matt will steal your catch phrases and use them mercilessly without your permission. But he does it lovingly.

We talk to our cat like he's a retarded two year old. That does not demasculinize us in any way.

We know said cat still has claws...do not inform us this as if we didn't know. We have the scars on our arms, hands, back and faces to prove to you we know what he can acomplish with said claws.

"Your Mom."

The house is purple and we have old lady lawn decorations. This also does not demasculinize us in any way.

If some thing smells a little "off", it's probably just the snake that may or may not be decomposing on our walls.

And above all else, not matter what happens...."Do not worry...eet ees fine."

This is Zach, as always saying "Please don't add me to your block list."