Find Out Why Breathing Oxygen Could be Fatal...Right After this Commercial Break

As I sit here with a mild migrane and slight nausea due to a vile sickness I can't help but curse Satan and his grasp of the weather and elderly drivers. Enough said, since I have better things to rant about.

Over the past month, I've had the pleasure of living in a house with a broken furnace, partied with a toilet and a wookie, and fallen down a flight of stairs. Let me tell you things are going great.

So, I was watching the Regis and Kelly show (don't ask) yesterday morning, and a topic that was brought up randomly was that a puppy recently born had been stained green from it's mother's placenta. How gross is that? And more importantly, how often does that happen and does it happen to humans? I think perhaps we're having a breakthrough in Leprechaun research! I mean, if it can happen to dogs, why couldn't it happen to midgets? Talk about two strikes and you're out! ('Talk about two strikes and you're out!' Copyright (C) Travis Byram, 2001). If all the scientists in Ireland weren't drunk 24/7/365, you'd think this would be a priority in their field! If these green-skinned-dwarfs actually exist, I wonder at what age do they glean their pot of gold and hide it like covetous Jews...(no offence intended to actual covetous Jews).

Personally, I think green-skinned midgets would be pretty fun to have running around. Even if they aren't REALLY 'Leprechauns', they could still get jobs at golf courses as caddies, Lord of the Rings Hobbit reenactors, Chimney sweepers and of course Wal-Mart greeters.

Speaking of which, why don't they have short people dress up as the seven dwarves at the Disney theme parks? I'm sure having a six foot guy with a friggin' huge Grumpy or Dopey mask stare you down has to be pretty traumatic for a five year old...

Actually now that I think about it, is this color staining exclusive to green? Would they perhaps be able to be stained blue as well? Then we'd have Smurfs!!!! How sweet would that be? How much better would the world be with little people all the colors of the rainbow!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

.......

Alright, that rant went WAY farther then I expected when I first sat down. Wow.

"The preceeding message was not meant to offend anyone who is vertically challenged. My mind is a tool that cannot be controlled, and that is simply where it went this month. Twahhhh.....('Twahhhh' is Copyright (c) David Blaine)"

Alright, I should finish up on that note. Have a happy Thanksgiving, and remember, please, Please, PLEASE don't put up Christmas decorations until the 1st of December. The longears already took easter away from Jesus, don't make Thanksgiving the redheaded stepchild holiday everyone forgets!!!!

See you all next month for the year-ending ZCCNL extravaganza (with an advertisement like that, you can't help but be let down!)

This is Zach, as always, saying "Please don't add me to your block list."