My Apartment No Longer Smells Like Applesauce...

Because, thankfully I no longer live there. For the last three weeks the Vanders and I have been settling in at our new house which is apple-free. The going goes well, and we've only had one negative situation on out third night there, a ballsy unseen punk who brought it upon himself to decorate our living room wall with a egg. Easily cleanable, but the little pimp-lover interrupted a good episode of the Simpsons we were in the middle of. Fortunately it was a DVD but I am not the person you want to deal with when torn away from his Simpsons.

I hope everyone's summer bode well for them, mine ended with the obligatory "everything I have to do is crammed into the last two weeks of August" but as usual I survive, albeit with the mental capacity of a cognitivtely impaired four year old with a vendetta against the human race, but hey we all have our personality kinks right?

Here's an interesting anecdote you all might find entertaining (or stupid, it's up to you since if I actually cared I couldn't go home and watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVDs until I fall asleep in a lake of drool on my shoulder):

I was in Toys R Us a few weeks back (yeah I still go there, you wanna fight about it?) when on my way out of the store I noticed that, in a row of those little egg machines that dispense stickers, candy and easily swallowable toys, one had a display of little figurines. Upon closer inspection I realized these were no mere toys, they were...Homies!!!!

The Homies plastic figurine line consists of a group of hot headed gang-bangers who thrive upon their individual 'skillz' and blatant racial stereotypes. I didn't have a chance to look at all the different characters they had available, however one of course struck my fancy: Whielz.

They didn't have names listed, but this guy just screams, 'Whielz'. Of course by now all of you know the reason why Whielz caught my eye...he's handi-capable! Now what better message to give kids then "Being crippled doesn't matter, you can still wear your hat on the side, sport a fu-manchu mustache, hide a glock in your wheelchair pouch and flash westside on the eastside and all the other sides with indeifferent glory and a gold-tooth-encrusted smirk!" God bless the company who thought of a toyline for Six Year olds (and up) to emulate a parapolegic sexually ambiguous P-Diddy wannabe! Hooray! My only question is this: If Whielz commits murder, is it classified as a drive-by?

I'll leave you to ponder that.

This is Zach as always sayng "Please don't add me to your Block List."