Do you think I don't know what this is?

Alright, this anecdote sums up how my June was:

I was getting ready for work one morning, and went to put on my socks. One of the socks I grabbed had a few small holes in it, but nothing I was too concerned about. As I started to slip it on my foot I thought "I must have had this sock for quite awhile! From this point henceforth, it shall be my lucky sock!" The instant I finished that thought, the holes ripped out and half the sock was up to my shin whilst the rest was still covering most of my foot.

The moral of the story is that while my month had its potential, the things that appeared to be 'ups' were actually frustrating 'downs' in disguise...but like a sock, the longevity and purpose of these prattfalls is of little consequence. Don't ask me what the frustrations were, I've already forgotten what most of them were. Afterall, [explitive deleted] happens and when it does you gotta make cow pies...or something like that.

Anyway, once again I'm beating the mid-month deadline by a few days, however this entire week I'll be teaching a bunch of High School kids how to play drums at Boise State, braving triple digit weather, sunburns and brain anyeurisms to pass on the knowledge. I think it's funny I always feel the need to explain my motives when I send out a ZCCNL early or late...just enjoy it and smile and nod. That's it. Do it now...it is fine....

For some reason I felt like writing about something that can be very fun yet at the same time a pox on mankind all rolled up into one noun/ verb combination: Karakoe.

I have never sung Karaoke (or as the Japaense pronounce it, Car-ow-kay), nor do I have any undying desire to ever do so. I'm not saying it will never happen, in fact It's probably I will at some point, all I'm saying is there's not much motivation to get up on the mic' and make an arse out of myself after what I've been a witness of. In my expereince there are seven types of Karaoke participants:

'Drunken Rockstars': These Karaoke patrons stumble up to the stage, take hold of and nearly drop the mic' (twice), do an unnessesary quick microphone check consisting of belching or a deep exhale, reveal their song of choice is one belonging to an incredibly talented popular artist who has a very distinctive voice, and finally within the first few seconds of their voice entrance they immediately butcher the song. 'Drunken Rockstars' hardly sing on pitch except for what they hear. They thrive on the attention they get, and do not realize all the eyes looking in their direction and all the shouts are negative attention, glares and curse words. Once finished with their offkey caterwauling, 'Drunken Rockstars' generally give a warwhoop of joy and strike a pose indicating they are pleased with their efforts and merrily return to their beers, unknowing they have alienated other bar patrons and waitresses for the rest of the evening.

'Shell Escapee'. 'Shell Escapees' are very introverted until they get the microphone in their hands and get on the stage and shed their outer 'shell'. Usually coercsed into Karaoke-ing in the first place they generally need the support of their friends to cheer or dance for them until the last note has been sung. If the friends to not lend their support, 'Shell Escapees' have been known to also be 'Sleeper Hold Escapees', breaking the death grips of their friends and loved ones, galloping into the nearest restroom like a Wildebeat escaping a stalking Cheetah in a tear-blinded fury rather then take the stage. I have only seen this latter example once at an all-nighter after graduating High School. I must say 'Shell Escapees' of the 'Sleeper Hold Escapee' variety can be quite entertaining in their own right, even surpassing that of the 'Screeching Showmen' covered shortly.

'Tag Teams': An offshoot of 'Shell Escapee', 'Tag Teamers' require their friends to get up on stage and share the mic with them or there will be no Karaoke sung. A trainwreck in making, 'Tag Teams' can however be planned out in advance with two voices that will mesh in a duet to be enjoyable for all to hear...though the usual case is that the friend brought up for moral support is a 'Drunken Rockstar', 'Screeching Showmen', or 'KaraokElite', none of which match well with a 'Shell Escapee'. The odd well balanced 'Tag Team' should be smiled upon by all who are fortunate enough to hear. Please do NOT take this miracle from God himself for granted like you can with an everyday 'miracle' like a sunrise.

'Lone Woodsmen': These hardcore participants don't care if there are One or One Thousand people in the room, their calling in life is to sing along to poorly dubbed MIDI tracked loosely based on their favorite songs, and come hell or high water they will make it so. This is the shallow end of the Karaoke pool, Lone Woodsmen can easily wade into deeper waters to become any of the other specimens in this list, especially 'KarokElite' if they enjoy even the smallest amount of patron success after many a night of singing for only the bar staff.

'Shreeching Showmen': 'Screeching Showmen' just don't care. A rare breed of Karaoke singers, they pick the songs they want to sing no matter the consequence. Some sound good, some sound bad...the important thing is that they know how to put on a show. Bar patrons are either annoyed or delighted by 'Screeching Showmen'. Sometimes mistaken for a 'Drunken Rockstar', however alcohol is not needed to induce their Karaoke lust. The beautiful thing about 'Screeching Showmen' is there is no neccessary need to humor them onstage because of their lack of caring...however if a 'Screeching Showman' is good enough, their show humors itself.

'KaraokElite': Divas in the Karaoke world, 'KaraokElite' have talent and they know it and are not afraid to rub it in other participants' noses. 'KaraokEilte' strut to the stage in a slow fashion in order for the entire room to share the light emanating from their glorious visages and smirk at the commoners as they take the mic' and listen for the opening cues. 'KaraokElite' are generally good at what they do and visit every Karaoke establishment in their city, and sometimes surrpunding areas to spread their God-given talents to all the fortunate listeners. 'KaraokElite are blind to the fact their boorish and conceited mannerisms are an automatic putoff by bar patrons, and generally their place in the Karaoke foodchain is only one notch above the 'Drunken Rockstar', despite their superior talents. One easy way to spot a 'KaraokElite' is if their song of choice was done by Frank Sinatra or Celine Dion.

'Rare Talent': If you come across a 'Rare Talent' be fortunate indeed. 'Rare Talents' are as good and often better then 'KaraokElite' and will show it even better after their display of power by their and humble mannerisms. Usually smiling slightly when they return to their group of friends, and sometimes even embarassed, thinking they have make fools of themseleves, 'Rare Talents' have no need to worry. 'Rare Talents' are also known to make the rounds to all the Karaoke bars in their areas, but are well-received and loved by all because of their good natured charms. Another aspect of 'rare talents' is having the rare talent (no pun intended) to choose a song that suits their voice range, though this is usually not a problem, these select gods and goddesses can usually make any song sound good. 'Rare Talents' should be lauded and showered with praise as they exit the stage. Example: Jen Potcher.

Perhaps one day I will finally be dragged onto stage to sing Karoke, but after one hears Clayton Freeman's rousing redition of 'Baby Got Back', one has to simply ask...."Why try to compete with that?"

This is Zach, as always saying "Please don't add me to your block list"