Besides, you Ain't got nothin' better to do...and I'm bored.

Yeah, yeah I know it's a little early but I won't be anywhere near a computer Friday to send April's ZCCNL to you all. March and April have been very busy months for me since I have been juggling work, teaching and music rehearsals. It gets tiring but it makes the time fly right on by.

Because of this I haven't had much time to put any effort into writing anything clever for the month (not that I ever described the ZCCNL as 'clever'), I decided to jot down observations I've made over the past month. Some are good, some contain my typical eye-roll inducing humor, others might make you want to chase me with a baseball bat...but since that is the mission statement set forth by the Zach's Crappy Crappy Newsletter, I will have hopefully achieved my goal for the month. And, of course there has to be a token crack about midgets in there somewhere.

So here's the observations:

Irish Spring soap smells like neither Guiness or athlete's foot.

It is a really bad thing to say "Wow, you just left me in the dust" after eating pizza with a girl and noticing she ate more then I did.

When you burn your finger, the sensation goes from "That's mildly uncomfortable" to "My finGeR iz dYinG!" faster then Oprah on an Easter Ham.

I will stop laughing at retarded people when they stop being so darn funny.

You can always come up with a comeback to an insult after you've resorted to violence.

People who work at gas stations are either annoyingly friendly of have 0% Personality. There is no in between.

I think Wendy's fired that handicapped guy with no bandaid I talked about last month. Good.

Satan is an afficiando of fried cheese. And who can blame him.

I should change the spelling of my name to Xak

Midgets do not like being associated as 'free range'

Few things are funnier than seeing someone spit a lit cigar at someone, burn them, and catch it back in their mouth without moving a muscle even if it it performed by an animated robot from the future.

I like cheese, but not as much as Lee Vander Boegh. Since I have easten all my cheese by way of sandwiches he is now welcome back into my apartment.

When participating in an internet chat board, unless you write "in my opinion" before your opinion, everyone on the internet will assume you're delivering an edict and post to tell you why you're wrong. Remember.

I want an "I can beat the crap out of your kid who beat up an honor student" bumper sticker

Ben Davidson, I saw you took a bite out of a slice of my cheese. I ate the piece anyway.

I observe that my observations have a lot to do with cheese.

I have officially changed my opinion of my gross crack whore neighbor. It takes a lot of guts to leave the house looking like the Crypt Keeper's great grandmother.

For all you old school receivers of the ZCCNL, Mr. Ramirez STILL tries to beat me at every merging stoplight.

I'm tired of hear how kids screw up ther lives. Let's give a little more credit to parents and public schools

Cartoons reached perfection in the 80's. Have any of you attempted to watch any of the modern cartoons!? The only ones that are almost palatable are those that are resurrections of the ones that were out when I was a kid.

When teaching someone, only after there is a sure sign they are improving do they start to suck.

I had a dream the undead Pope tried to kill me. Not intended to offend anyone, but man it was a cool dream.

The following letters are uslesess and should be exterminated from the alphabet: K, Q, S, and X.

I was told today by an anal retentive businessman that I should not do what he did. He informed me that I should becaome a pediatrist or chiroprachter like he should have

I saw this on a Blog: "When there's nothing left to burn, you can always set yourself on fire..." Creepy.

If I don't see you at the Erinys preformance Friday or Saturday and you are local, I will destroy you. That is all.

I wanted to have more, but that's all the time I have today. Maybe once a year I'll dedicate the ZCCNL to some observations...let me know what you guys think.

This is Zach as always saying "Please don't add me to your Block List."