The First Letdown of the New Year:

Yesiree folks, Zach's Crappy Crappy Newsletter manages to survive yet another year and emerges from the ruins of it's past ilk with vim and vigor in a new mid-monthly print date. (On a side note...just what is 'vim'? Is it some sort of pete moss? that's for you, Nick)

I hope everyone's holidays were fairly safe and no one has succumbed to the pains of alcohol poisening. Just to put forth some assurances, although we lost the big Bowl Game in Memphis, Boise was able to strike back at the south through Mr. Matt Vander Boegh, whom, on his way to the buses after the game was approached by a man with one leg who gloated over the fact that his team beat ours by a meager four points (also sucker-punching the 30 point spread I might add). I am paraphrasing his reply but it was something to the effect of "Yes we might have lost the game, but at least we have two legs." Bravo, Matt. I fully support his stooping to the lowest common denimonator after seeing what poor winners those people were. I still think they were just jealous of our full set of teeth and non-impotence.

Lately I cannot bring myself to listen to radio because all current music sounds alike. We all know how I feel about the term selling out so I will not make these claims. They are making a living by writing music, I won't fault them for that...but can't they be even a little creative? I mean even a burger flipper could make a smily face out of the ketchup if they chose to! I have compiled a short list of things I am tired of hearing about:

Anti War Songs:

Yeah, there's a war going on. Yeah, you have an opinion about it. Do I want to hear about it? No. What I really think is missing from the airwaves are songs about why we SHOULD nuke the crap out of another country. Besides, every band that writes yet another war protest song is just conforming to what Creedence Clearwater did with Fortunate Son. Tug on my heartstrings some more why don't you, the gag reflex is just a hair to the right....

The "I'm so depressed I want to Die" Songs:

Once again to quote the great Matt Vander Boegh: "Just kill yourself already." Every song Staind writes either has to do with "I hate myself", "I hate you", "I hate the government", "I hate Unicorns" and so on and so forth. "I'm going to kill myself" was old the first time, retards. Either step up the plate and practice what you preach, or write about something new. You have a multi-million dollar music contract, your life can't suck that bad.

Love Songs:

There are so many figgin' love songs on the radio right now, whether it's theme is "I love you and you won't love me back" or "The love of my life left me" or "I can't love you because of what you did with my sister"...it could all choke a donkey. That's nice you can feel that way about someone, now think about it once....then lock it up in a nice secure box in your head! Everyone can have those feelings! You are not special, and I don't want to hear about your love life. Unless it has to do with Jennifer Ansiton and me;)

Seriously, why can't people just write a song that isn't 'culturally profound' or political or some other type of the swill thats on the radio? Yeah, I know Danger Baby's old song about a Haunted House was lame, but so was Tiny Tim and everyone seems to love him! Or how about maybe singing about the erradic-ness of the stock market? It's borderline political, but as long as it's not wanting to kill yourself after losing your money or the joys of buying your loving sweetie a diamond ring after winning at least it's different! Write about a stalker! Not everyone has one of those! (yes that was yet another shameless plug).

Yes, this months ZCCNL was nothing more then an irate tirade about something I can do nothing to change, but at least I started 2005 out on a high note of pure bitterness, contempt and objectivity, something the ZCCNL has somewhat lost over the years.

This is Zach, as always saying "Please don't add me to your block list."

If anyone wants to contribute to the ZCCNL in the comming months, please email me any ideas you might have and I'll put together some sort of editorial. Please keep your ideas Y-TV friendly, or at the very least PG-13.