I Think I Soiled My Stocking

As you read this, December has neared joining its other eleven siblings in death as 2004 comes to an end. Looking back on the year I have to say it wasn't too shabby...much better then 2003 and 2002 for sure. 2001 might be slightly better by the fact I saw a dead body on the streets of Ouahu, but then again 2004 gave me opportunities such as telling hippies to get jobs and reconciling my differences with the Yak Woman that works at Wal-Mart....

The ZCCNL comes to you minty fresh and early this month, because at the normal print time of the 31st I will be on a plane returning from the Liberty Bowl in Memphis Tennesee. I know I won't have time to look for him, but my fingers are crossed that the undead corpse of Elvis will be in the press box of the stadium, rooting for the team that has the most groove (which could be ours afterall). Also this is sent just before Christmas because it is my gift to all of you, albeit an incredibly cheap and incompetent one....but at least you can just throw it away without bothering to stand in the long lines to exchange it.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who enjoys the holiday season. And by enjoy I most definitely mean slightly tolerate it. No, nothing means 'Christmas' quite like the stress levels of driving anywhere near a Mall, Department Store, Toy Store, or Adult Shop without having a brain aneurism from the traffic, or the joys of recovering from a seizure after witnessing the results of a Christmas Light feud between neighbors. My favorite part is getting someone a gift you know they'll love, only to find out on Christmas you either gave it to them the year before or a family member they like better gave them the same thing....when that happens, you KNOW they're going to return your gift and keep the other one.

Christmas [probably] means different things to different people. There's the Greed Mongers, the Jesus Heads, the aforementioned Decoration Competitors, the Family Freaks, the Holiday Depressants, the Dinner Devotees and of course members of the 'World Sucks Because I am Pitiful, Lonely and Want to Send A Nuclear Missile to [x insert ex relationer's name here x]'s House' cult. I think to get the most out of Christmas you have to have a happy medium (an espresso blend if you will) of the seven...otherwise others will think you're self-righteous, unreligeous, have no Christmas Spirit, antisocial, too happy, have an eating disorder, or have put up a wall around your emotions. I have learned just to take things in stride, and just as the old adage "Reality TV WILL DIE" translates...."This too shall pass."

This is Zach wishing each and every one of you a sincere Merry (and alcohol-binge free) Christmas and a Happy (and a small alcohol-binge) New Year.

Oh, and please don't add me to your block list.

--Zach, signing off for the year twenty-aught-four.

By the way, if the 24th is Christmas Eve does that make the 23rd Christmas Adam? (ba dum ching)