More then Meets the Eye

I bid each one of you a eerily heartfelt hello this All Hallow's Eve with the exception of Sasser, who has gone on the record and eloquently stated his displeasure for Halloween. I will instead wish him a happy early Election Day.

I hope the month of October treated (no pun intended) you all lovingly with few tricks (pun intended). I am now free of my bi-weekly treks to Fruitland and Nampa now, although I have to say I will miss the playful little scamps I taught for the last couple months. But I will move on, and look forward to the days when I finally get paid for my job at Boise State. Sadly, nothing else is new save for the fact I do have more then one hundred dollars in my checking account.

I'm sure we all have fond memories of Trick-or-Treating, family get togethers, or waking up November 1st in a pool of chocolate-and-nougat-laden vomit (November first is definitely the equivolent to a hang over for a six year old)...and since none of you want to hear a few of mine, here they are anyway:

In my twenty three Halloweens I must say most of my memories have to do with being a spoiled greedy snot, only out to glean as much candy from strangers as I possibly could, no matter the harm to assuredly come to my friends or parents. Sure, there was the year I had bronchitis and poorly chose a costume wrought with animal hair, and the year I had the flu and could not stop projectile vomiting on my neon color crayon outft, but those instances are quite overshadowed by the year I threw a fit when I wanted to be a robot and Garfield the cat, and my parents had no choice but to let me out of the house dressed as a robotic cartoon cat, which is of course an abomination in the face of the lord. Out of the Seven Deadly Sins, I'm sure I have unwittingly (or purposefully!) broken 6.5 of them, even as a child. Then of course, how could I forget the year my friend and I both went as ninja turtles...I watched as he was promptly confronted by a bully, got the crap beat out of him, knocked backwards onto the mixing bowl on his back he utilized as a shell and had his candy stolen. He deserved it though. I can't think of the reason right now, but I'm sure I can rationalize it with something at a later time. I must say though, that Halloween just doesn't have the charm and excitment it used to, and I don't know why. I still find a poor excuse for a cotume to wear and I still find my mom's stash of candy to raid and stuff myself sick with as I watch Halloween specials until midnight. The only thing that has changed is the fact the only thing I want to do on Halloween night is sit on my parents' roof with a garden hose, soaking the unwitting youngsters who walk up the path to their oblivion.

Enough of my memories, we all know that I only wrote about Halloween because I can't think of anything funny to rant about. Until now (Maybe...I can guarantee nothing):

Yesterday afternoon I came across this, which caught my eye and gave me a great deal of interest for obvious reasons. I was quite surprised the word 'Hobbit' is now a noun in the english language to describe a short person. I'm sure all the Migets and dwarfs of the world are now either up in arms over being called a Hobbit, or now rejoice in the fact they can now find their niche by naming their kid 'Frodo'. Either way I recognize this as yet another sign God is displeased with us and is sending his son to wipe the world clean. I wonder if he ever had the notion the entire planet would turn into "Soddom and Gomorah: The Theme Park". You know, come to think of it the only thing that will most likely come from the Hobbits' discovery is the fact all the LoTR dorks will start claiming the events in the books really happened and Hobbits are real. Actually, I'd probably be more frightened of a dude in a Gandalf suit telling me to join his religion then Satan. Unless Satan was naked of course.

I now shake my head in shame as I re-read yet another poor excuse for a newsletter. I assure you, as soon as something actually funny happens to me, you will all hear of it.

This is Zach, this time PLEADING with you all saying "Please don't add me to your block list"