I bent my Wookie

Once again the customary hello to all of you, and I give you the news that I am still alive and have not returned to the Boise State Parking Office to say 'Good Day' to the useless skaggs that work there utilizing the rear bumper of my Blazer to ask them just how I get the unwashable muscelage off my window they used to make my impound notice stick. (That has to be one of the longest senteces I've ever written. Re-read it now to make sure you didn't forget the beginning.)

Because my busy schedule prevents me from keeping a keen eye out for things that piss me off, 1) My blood pressure has probably gone down a bit, 2) I am not going to apologize for the tardiness of this newsletter, and 3) I am forced to present to you a written piece done for my English 102 class. I think it is quite entertaining and it summarizes just how the portrait of 'Lauren' got on my wall. My English Professor said it was "Awesome. Fun." Despite the lack of excitement conveyed by her message written on a violet stcky pad, I tell myself she meant what she wrote.

So now, with out further stalling....use the restroom, grab a snack, and prepare to read my uninspiring writings!

I remember it like it was yesterday...It was five in the morning, Saturday the 6th of December 2003. My band had just played what was to be our final show, and a late/early celebratory/mourning meal had ended at a local 24-hour restauraunt. I had seen the sign at McDonald's for at least a month, and I had vowed it would be mine. I turned down the adjacent street, turning off my headlights (or 'stealth mode' as some say) but left the car running in anticipation of a speedy getaway. I knew it was all in my head, but images of James Bond lurking in a Russian stronghold after just squeezing out of an easily escapably overly-elaborate death scheme kept running through my mind. I had to get that sign. I had to see is hangning on my wall. I had a spot picked out and everything... for that reason alone there was to be no turning back. I peered out around the corner of the wall separating the establishment from the residential area where my car was parked a short distance away.

The morning crew was arriving, loading and unloading trucks no doubt filled with greasy pre-cooked Big Macs and Quarter Pounders (and succulent McChicken Sandwich patties!), the stench of bacon and sausage filling the air as the McDonald's first shift employees began to prepare for the oncoming breakfast rush. I pressed myself against the wall and shimmied through the untrimmed foliage of weeds and underbrush surrounding 'It'. It was mine. I reached down and plucked it from it's wire frame, turning around in a hurry to avoid detection by the truck crew. I tripped over a sprikler head but regained my balance as I sped towards my still running vehicle. I laughed with malicious glee as I made the short trek back to my apartment. I sprinted up the steps and slammed the door, not caring in the least if I awoke the seldom seen broom-weilder below me. Still giggling, I hung the poster upon my wall...it was much bigger then I originally thought, but the place I had chosen was perfect. I stepped back a bit, taking in the glorious, heartwarming visage of the cippled child preparing to take a swing at a ball on a tee with the inscription "I'm a Home Run Hitter." I smiled, then noticed for the first time the text written on the mottom of the sign, covered up by the weeds this priceless artifact had called home until ten short minutes ago.

"I beleive in Miracles." I paused shortly, then read on. "A disease left me blind and in a wheelchair, but McMiraclefield gave me a chance to play the game I love--Baseball." "Love Lauren." it was signed. I stared at the quote and felt instant pity seep into my soul. All the heroics I just underwent to obtain this Holy Grail, not unlike Indiana Jones or Lara Croft (sans the feminine parts) flew out the window like so many proverbial freed parakeets. I stewed for a moment before grabbing the nearest pair of scissors. I snipped away at the thick material, freeing the top half from the conscience-offending quote at the bottom and immediately felt much better. It remained there for many months until I decided to rejoin the picture as a whole in order to be inspired, as well as to realize "Well, it could be worse." Long Live Lauren and his/her love of Baseball and the McMiraclefield!

There, it's over....You should have gotten a snack.

This is Zach saying "Please don't add me to your block list."