Lee found his butter! This is cause for celebration, people!

Ahhhh......I breathe a sigh of relief as the summer comes to an end...and my perpetual servitude as a teacher dies a harsh, unnatural death. There is most definitely a God.

Absolutely nothing extraordinary has come to pass this past month, so I have no need for the customary answer to "How have things been Zach?" My reply is "Move along, nothing to see here....."

For the main body of the ZCCNL, I thought it might be fairly humerous to jot down some of my observations on the happenings around me during my tenure around high school students....For those of you who do not like observational humor....I'll be sure to....well......You'll find the back of my hand rather displeasing! Alright, you and I both know I can't do anything if you don't appreciate my waste of time...besides half of you probably have me included in your ignore list or delete any emails from me that might be the ever-eyeroll-inducing ZCCNL. Another thing we both know is that my humor usualy passes through others' eyes as 'immature', 'childish', and other such things I have been called by past relationers. (Is 'Relationer' a word? If not, I shall have to add it to my list along with 'Exotican', 'Faggotry', and Vocalistic Bombastitude') Enough rambling.

"Genltemen, Behold....Zach's Observations of High School Music Students!!!!!!"

First and foremost, I have noticed a definite change in the female appearence for high school students since I was that age a mere seven years ago. For some reason, a large chunk of girls at the camps I have taught look like they should be at very least 20 years of age, modeling some clothing line for a billboard in New York. I don't know what it is, but High School Girls seem to be getting hotter and hotter. before any of you jump to conclusions, I must put my foot down and assure you I have no temptations to pursue these voluptuous 15 year olds *shudder*.....but I must say girls being that good looking that young is like braile pornography for a person with no hands. Enough said.

While High School Girls are getting hotter, I must say High School boys are most definitely getting more and more stupid. While listening to some of their conversations, I shake my head in astonishment at the utter dumb @$$ity of their thought patterns. I know I was their age once, but I never once thought about killing squirrels, selling their pelts and making "Mad Skrilla", let alone allpwing that thought to pass through my vocal chords. Bodily functions are the makings of genious moments. Food is most definitely not for eating....it's for adorning their ill-fitting garments in a poupourri of ponderous elegance. Perhaps I'm finally reaching the age break where farting is not means for a celebratory formal dinner...or perhaps parents these days are not passing the sufficient amount of chromosomes to their children to annoint them with proper thought patterns and the skills required to live their day-to-day lives.

I feel sorry for the kids who feel that they have to put up some sort of front that they are 'cooler' then they really are...but it goes with the age. I did it when I was in high school, and I'm sure you all have as well. Maybe. Once again a bold claim made by me which is sure to prevent the ZCCNL from becoming a Pulitzer Prize winner. Back on the subtopic: I really wished I could take some of these kids aside, sit down next to them and bludgeon them with the leg of a grand piano (lovingly of course) and tell them to stop thinking you're a gangster just because you wear your hat sideways and your size 80 jeans are revealing your vertical grin to the world. You can put on a fake moustache, comb all your hair to one side and call yourself Hitler, but that definitely doesn't mean you can move to northern Idaho and boss around the skinheads there! Take a bath, wear some pants that fit you and stop trying so hard to be an idiot. Or I guess you could move to LA and see how much the leader of the Crypts (hahahaha...'Crypt'[as in 'cripple?'...ahhh nevermind]) is impressed by your FUBU shirt and baggy wranglers.

And now for some rapid-fire quickie observations:

High schoolers should most definitely get acquainted with the little thing called 'deoderant'. Nothing more needs to be said about this topic.

It doesn't matter if you've had twice the years experience in what you're teaching these kids, they still think they know more then you do. Until you are forced to demean them and prove they know next to nothing when compared to the Jeebus....

The interior of Burley High School looks and feels like a prison camp. I guess the reasoning behind this is to prepare the kids for their future.

99% of the Fruitland High School students seem to have been taken directly from an episode of 'Hee-Haw'

Josie Knapp is the hottest band director. Ever. In the history of anything. You all were thinking it, so don't say it isn't true.

Alright, I've said enough. Congratulations to all of you that lived through another summer, and I'll bore/ annoy/ piss all of you off in another 30-or-so days. This is Zach saying once again...."Please don't add me to your block list."